My worst fear is starting to happen because I am having trouble walking now. My left leg that I call, ‘Sylvester ‘has now refused to carry my weight when I am walking. I don’t trust it to take me places and it is now giving me extreme leg pain throughout the night and day.

What am I going to do now? I went walking on my trail and it was so bad! I am taking baby steps instead of larger strides. What comes to mind is the saying “If you don’t use it, you will lose it!”

Have I lost it now? I will keep at it and pray that it will start to improve shortly. In our prayer group, we pray for people who need his help in times of crisis.  I told them that I would need his strength to handle it if this doesn’t happen. I haven’t been writing much because the struggle to walk has consumed me.

Recently I fell in my bedroom and was unable to get up until my son pulled me up. I believe that I bruised my hip. I decided to go to water therapy even though I went in a wheelchair. It was very helpful because it allows me to move my hip and legs without pain.

I am not sure of what will happen next, but I am determined to get better. I will take each day as it comes and use my faith to guide me during this struggle.

 

I get so irritated at myself because I allow myself not to finish things I should because of stupid reasons. For example, I don’t do my exercises on the bed because the maid that comes every other week has made it and it looks so pretty that I don’t want to mess it up.

I went out to walk and it started drizzling so I said to myself,   “ I‘ll just ride my bike inside instead. Then later I say I’ll do it this afternoon. I remember in the past when I used to jog and I even went outside in the rain. What happened to that person?

This morning I lost my balance on my walker and I fell down and luckily my husband was home and he helped me up, but usually I don’t fall down when using my walker. My husband reminded me that I should do my exercises if I don’t want to always have to use a wheelchair. I humbly said, “ You are right.”

What can I do to always stay on track? I haven’t figured it out yet.

This is a life long time project. I also had times when I overeat too.   It is important for me to not get too heavy which can be dangerous because of my injuries. I write down everything I eat to help me to do this.

I will get back on track tomorrow! I usually do that after chewing myself out in my head.

I am approved for more therapy! I am going to Warm Springs Rehabilitation facility in Kyle near Seton Hospital! They have a warm heated saltwater pool therapy. My first session was wonderful because I could move my legs so easily without any effort! I practiced exercises such as walking up and down the side of the pool. I kept hanging onto the side like I didn’t know how to swim. Then my therapist, Aaron, put a weighted belt on me that would cause me to float when I couldn’t reach the bottom anymore. He instructed me to paddle my legs up and down like I am riding a bike. I continued this for a while and before I knew it my time was over.

My next session went similar to the first one, but I forgot to bring my undergarments to wear under my clothes in my change of clothes. I went underwear and braless under my shirt and pants because it was so cold outside. My swim shoes were soaking wet and I was freezing cold! My hair was still wet. I guess I better start planning better!

Everything went well when I got home, but then I tried to get up from my chair onto my walker, but I guess I overused my left leg because I couldn’t getup from my couch after numerous tries. I then began to panic! I called my husband who said he was in North Austin and it would take awhile to get home. Then I called my youngest son who works nearby. I needed to go to the bathroom so then I was in an extreme panic now. Finally he came home! He helped me get up and I made it to the restroom in time. I was an emotional wreck by then. I was thinking that I was headed to only using a wheelchair to get around.

Here’s to hoping this therapy will be my gateway to really walking better!

 

I have many regrets about decisions that I have made in my life that affected my family. I am not including getting hit by the car at all. It was a terrible accident, of course. The driver didn’t see me in the road and hit me and the car dragged me several yards. Besides the damage to my head, the only damage was a few scrape marks on my body.

I was walking on a rural street in my neighborhood which included a steep hill that I felt would cause my heart rate to increase, therefore, I would get a better workout. I regret not taking either of my dogs because maybe the driver would have seen me in time because of the dogs.

I wished that I went a different route that day which I do regret dearly. Unfortunately, life in the real world doesn’t have do overs and second chances.

I regret that this decision changed the course of our entire families’ lives. I also can’t always participate in my family and friends activities. I miss not participating in these activities that aren’t inclusive to using a walker or wheelchair such as outdoor events, for example playing water volleyball or kickball because I lack good balance now.

I am extremely grateful to my family and friends who take me places anyway when they are able because I crave companionship.

I have been very discouraged lately for many reasons:

The weather has been very cold and icy so it was too dangerous to walk on my trail. I vowed to just ride my stationary bike, but when I tried my knees just killed me! Then I got shots in my right knee and it didn’t hurt as bad as I imagined it would. So today I tried again to ride my bike, and I rode for 20 minutes! My right knee didn’t bother me at all. I am now anxious to get the same shot called Euflexxa in my left knee. The weather is better now so I can get back to my walking on my trail.

It is so important to be mobile so I really want to get back to moving again. It will help my mood tremendously. I have been feeling very depressed and down lately. We have been very busy this week with my husband off on vacation. Our family has been doing things together like eating out mostly together.

My husband helped me to make a spreadsheet so I can do my exercises regularly. I can check off each exercise as I do it so all I need to do is stick to it and do it daily! I need to feel that I can make a difference in many ways.

 

My plans for our future was definitely not like I originally planned. I saw myself graduating from college, then teaching school and raising our sons. We did that part easily and then my accident and my following surgeries happened and everything was changed. My husband and I planned to continue traveling when we could go see the United States. We have enjoyed traveling to different places. My oldest son has enjoyed traveling himself and has caught the seeking an adventure bug from us. He even traveled to Asian countries. He was so excited to see different cultures from ours. It makes you appreciate where we live and our freedoms.

Now I just have to be satisfied with staying home bound most of the time. On my walker is a Grumpy cat that I thought was too cute. I looked up that breed on the Internet. This is the way the bred always looks. I think it is for me when I just want to be grumpy about everything for a short while of course. No one wants to be around someone who is always grumpy.

I am very angry about where I am in this time of my life. I enjoy retirement, but I wanted to be able to romp with my future grandkids. I would also love to act silly more often like I used to be. I want to feel hopeful about my future, but I do not.

It is time to give myself a kick in the pants, and deal with it and make the best of my life. Time to regret is over!

My sister and her husband invited us to join them in a trip to Fredericksburg, a German town nearby. We had so much fun!

We drove there on Sunday and returned on Monday. We ate at some great restaurants and shopped at some unique shops.

One of the challenges was getting my wheelchair in the doorway of these older shops. It barely fit so I worried each time whether it would pass through the narrow entries, but we forged ahead anyway.

One stop was to a jewelry store where I found a beautiful Tanzanite ring and the salesmen told us since that mine was now impassable, the stone now has increased in its value. I wouldn’t have considered getting it, but my husband kept encouraging me so I tried it on and it looked just beautiful! The stone is lavender, my favorite color, and the salesmen suggested that they could dip my mother’s former wedding band that I wear in white gold to match it. They looked incredibly gorgeous together. They had nabbed a customer by then. I kept looking at it so I bought it. I couldn’t believe it because I have never bought a ring before. My husband always buys me my jewelry, but this was all mine!

My sister bought a beautiful ring with Tanzanite in it that looked so beautiful on her. Then my husband bought a watch as well. I was so surprised because he doesn’t usually wear any kind of jewelry. Once we were all decked out in our jewels, we decided to go eat at a very nice restaurant, I ordered salmon and it was so tender and delicious.

We all had a terrific time!

Since my accident, in August 2001 when I was hit by a car while walking in my neighborhood, I have been incredibly grateful for all the love and support my family and friends have given me throughout this whole ordeal. Without their help, I would probably be in a nursing home somewhere.

My husband should be given a Saint Award for all he has done for me. He has worked overtime at extra engineering jobs to make more money to keep our house and paid our many medical bills. He cooks me delicious meals as well as takes me shopping for clothes. He is such an incredible man that I love dearly. He does extra jobs around the house to help me stay independent as possible. This loving man has built me a beautiful walkway in our yard that I use daily, weather permitting. My life mate is always thinking of what he can do to make things safer for me. I don’t know how I got so lucky to be married to him since 1983.

My mother is always thinking of ways to help me as well. She gives me projects that can keep me busy. I have a hook rug that she needs for her Christmas tree skirt. Well, I started with good intentions, but now I am shooting for the next Christmas.

My sons, since they work so close to my home, always offer to get me lunch. They each have had to help me off the floor numerous times! One time while walking my trail, I parked my walker to use just the railings, but I ran into trouble when the dogs knocked my walker off the walkway. I could walk some of the way but not all. Oops! So whom do I call?

My sister who has become my best friend runs many errands for me to get needed items. She is also my sounding board at times. She listens to my problems and makes suggestions and she often comes to lunch and I really enjoy these visits.

Not to forget, my great friend, Debbie who edits my blogs meticulously.

Even though I am faced with many challenges, my life is much easier with their help.

 

My plans for our future was definitely not like I originally planned. I saw myself graduating from college, then teaching school and raising our sons. We did that part easily and then my accident and my following surgeries happened and everything was changed. My husband and I planned to continue traveling when we could go see the United States. We have enjoyed traveling to different places. My oldest son has enjoyed traveling himself and has caught the seeking an adventure bug from us. He even traveled to Asian countries. He was so excited to see different cultures from ours. It makes you appreciate where we live and our freedoms.

Now I just have to be satisfied with staying home bound most of the time. On my walker is a Grumpy cat that I thought was too cute. I looked up that breed on the Internet. This is the way the bred always looks. I think it is for me when I just want to be grumpy about everything for a short while of course. No one wants to be around someone who is always grumpy.

I am very angry about where I am in this time of my life. I enjoy retirement, but I wanted to be able to romp with my future grandkids. I would also love to act silly more often like I used to be. I want to feel hopeful about my future, but I do not.

It is time to give myself a kick in the pants, and deal with it and make the best of my life. Time to regret is over!